Real Talk

Some recent events in my life have made me wish I had a time machine. I just want to go back to past James, slap him in the face and tell him he needs to stop being stupid.

Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I always keep my word, I never lose my cool, I would do anything to help a friend, I’m incredibly loyal, and I care too much. Just so you know, I did not write this list, so please don’t think I’m that shallow. In the past few months (and maybe longer) I have acted out of character several times. This has hurt others, and myself. I can’t change what I’ve done, or it's impact, all I can do is keep reminding myself of the consequences of acting like an idiot.

During this time, I also came to the startling conclusion that if one person tells you something, it's possibly true, possibly not.  When two people tell you the same thing, it's more than likely true than not.  When you have three or more people telling you the same thing, you should probably listen.  The truth of the matter is that sometimes you see what you want to see, not what is actually there.  In my last post, I talked about inventories.  Well, I've did a huge inventory of myself recently, and I've discovered more about myself than I ever have.  I've found a lot of good things about myself, and I've found bad things about myself.  I'm working on those, and I'll be perfectly honest, it's going to be a struggle and take time on some of them.

Setting boundaries is key.  I have found that I have trouble setting boundaries with people.  You need to be honest with yourself and with them, let them know that you just won't do some things, not because you don't want to, but because once a boundary is crossed, it is much easier to cross it again. It's not a bad thing to help someone out, but don't change your boundaries in order to do so.

As I have been updating you on everything (which I've been told is too much, but, oh well), I'll go ahead and address the dating question.  I am not closed off to dating, but, as I'm sure you concluded, I didn't do so well with my recent try.  I am human, and I do make mistakes, and sometimes more than once.  I am (and always will be) in a constant state of personal growth, physically and mentally, and there have been people there at my worst, and stuck by me to hep me be my best.  I don't know where I'd be without them, and that's the type of person I'm looking for.  They are hard to find, but once I find that person, well, I'll be happy I guess is the easiest way to say it.  It's been said that when you find the once, "you'll just know."  That's wrong probably eight times out of ten.  Sure, I believe that some people just know, but they have to both "just know" before I'll believe it.  One sided relationships are far too common.  I think that I will only know if the person is right if she is by me through my struggles as well as my successes, and I'll have the same opportunity to do so for her.  Long story short, I guess I'm still looking.

I'll leave you with this, if you don't like what you see, don't blame the mirror.

Until next time dear readers...